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Scientology is not pleased with Vanity Fair over its damning expose of the church's alleged role as matchmaker for its couch-jumping golden child Tom Cruise. Instead of loving others as themselves or letting bygones be bygones or even saying a few prayers to a deity for forgiveness like most old school religions would proscribe, the spiritual schoolyard bullies of Scientology decided to put their worst foot forward and send a nasty letter calling everyone names.

You can read the eight-page screed in its entirety, if you're so obliged, but I'm pretty sure I can summarize it for you with far fewer words: "Vanity Fair is dumb, Maureen Orth is stupid and everybody just needs to get off our backs already because we're a religion and we're doing religiony stuff!"

Still, go read the whole eight-page letter anyway. I guarantee you'll get a few laughs out of it... or at the very least you'll feel a whole heckuva lot better about your own spiritual condition.