Chris Brown has admitted to partaking in moments of self-loathing.
The 26-year-old found himself in and out of jail after being sentenced to five years of probation and six months of community service following his attack on ex-girlfriend Rihanna in 2009.
In March a judge officially ended Chris’ probation and now that he is truly a free man, the star took some time out to reflect on how far he’s come.
“I’m Konfuzed, I always thought I knew the concept of love. Fame and Money can get in the way of that (sic),” the star wrote Thursday in an open letter to fans on his Instagram account. “Most of my issues always deal with love and me being in my feelings. Not to mention me being a dog sometimes. I can’t speak for everyone but I can say that my actions contributed a lot to my karma. Being jealous and angry and controlling. There has been times where I looked in the mirror and hated the person I see.”
The touching letter was written in a caption attached to a picture of Chris sitting down on patio furniture with his eyes closed. In the image he sits in repose beneath a stunning blue sky with white puffy clouds and an endless tropical ocean expanse stretched out behind him.
The Look at Me Now hitmaker recently fathered a child while still in a relationship with his ex Karrueche Tran. Chris, who is currently in Miami shooting a music video, confesses his poor character judgment often lands him in trouble.
“I talk to God a lot now. He’s given me so much and I feel like I waste his gifts becuz of my impulsive personality. The world is full of negativity and I feel I play a part in it becuz of the choices I’ve made or mistakes,” he continued in the Instagram letter. “I tend to accept the negative or the riff raff becuz I know what it’s like to be a young black ‘n***a’ in America. I always see the good in people even when they don’t see it. I love others more than myself at times. Everything u see on the surface does not reflect what’s inside. This is my white flag. I surrender to life and all its blessings. I refuse to be petty and attention seeking. To know me is to love me. Good Bad UGLY! Sincerely, Konfuzed”
– Cover Media0