Happy Birthday Chuck Norris! In honor of your 75th birthday, here are our favorite Chuck Norrisisms.
Please don’t roundhouse kick us in the face.
Donna, Marley & Tam
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris’ remote control batteries die, the remote continues to function out of pure terror.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. Unless you’re Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don’t ask him for his three-hole-punch.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
As President Roosevelt said: “We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris.”
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Hulk in the face. Now he hides in the forest and changed his name to Shrek.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game… with a golf ball.
Chuck Norris has a Myspace account… on Facebook.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
When Chuck Norris went to donate blood, he turned down the needle and asked for a shotgun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it’s fucking beef.
Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris let the dogs out.0