Dear Bachelor nation,
It is the most wonderful time of the year. The time of the year when the contestants for the upcoming Bachelor/Bachelorette are announced, and we can comb through them carefully, meticulously, and judge them mercilessly without really knowing anything about who these people are.
— ELLE Magazine (US) (@ELLEmagazine) May 13, 2015
The contestants for the Bachelorette with Kaitlyn and Britt (don’t get me started) have been announced, and we are in for an interesting ride, my friends. I’m talking we’ve got an exotic dancer and an “amateur sex coach” on our hands. YUP.
Ben H., Software Salesman, Denver, Colorado
- Promising: 500 Days of Summer is one of his favorite movies. Not promising: The only thing he had to say about the idea of marriage is that it’s a “total sacrifice.”
Ben Z., Fitness Coach, San Jose, California
- Fitness coach blah blah blah (There are always too many of these guys… except for when they’re like our Mr. Manuary Kirk Dewindt. Love you Kirk!)
Bradley, International Auto Shipper, Atlanta Georgia
- Whatever that means…
Brady, Singer-Songwriter, Nashville, Tennessee
- Nice! He’s not even hiding the fact he’s there for fame.
Chris, Dentist, Nashville, TN
Clint, Architectural Engineer, Chicago
- My favorite, because this is in his bio: If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be? Chuck Norris, for obvious reasons.
Corey, Investment Banker, NYC
Cory, Residential Developer, Pearland Texas
Daniel, Fashion Designer, Nashville, TN
- Why is everyone from Nasvhille?
David, Real Estate Agent, Orlando, Florida
Ian, Executive Recruiter, LA
- Ian is absolutely looking for fame, but that’s ok, he’ll probably get it.
Jared, Restaurant Manager, Warwick, Rhode Island
JJ, Former Investment Banker, Denver, CO
- Former? *Buzzer*
Joe, Insurance Agent, Columbia, Kentucky
Jonathan, Automotive Spokesman, Detroit, MI
Josh, Law Student/Exotic Dancer, Chicago, IL
- That’s what I’m talking about!
Joshua, Industrial Welder, Kuna, Idaho
Justin, Fitness Trainer, Naperville, Illinois
Kupah, Entrepreneur, Boston, Mass.
Ryan B., Realtor, Wellington, Florida
- This guy once tweeted out a photo meant for his girlfriend. So basically, we know he’s down to take nudey photos. A+
Ryan M., Junkyard Specialist, Kansis City, Missouri
- Junkyard Specialist??? Ok, but I do admire the honesty in his bio: “His biggest date fear is pretty straightforward: “The person being terrible.”” Fair enough. LOL
Shawn B., Personal Trainer, Windsor Locks, Connecticut
- Shawn B. is an admitted One Direction fan, which I’m still not sure is positive or negative.
Shawn E., Amateur Sex Coach, Ontario, Canada
Tanner, Auto Finance Manager, Kansas City, Missouri
Tony, Healer, St. Louis, Missouri
- Sorry Tony, that profession is only ok in Game of Thrones/Outlander.
Overall impression: No Minnesotans unfortunately, but we’ve got a lot of fame chasers and fake professions on our hands.
Aside from the fact that we still don’t even know who the Bachelorette is, it should be a good season.
Tune in on Monday and Tuesday for the two-part premiere at 9 pm CST on ABC!!